Wish you could follow her

Todays twitter timeline feels like this Sexybichoo is talking to you, representing me. No explanations, just putting down some of her tweets of the day.

Your 1st mistake was leaving me. Your 2nd mistake was giving me a chance to realize that I can live without u.

It is always worth it to be with the one person who knows your true worth.

Which is why I don't think giving this a shot is worth it, for me.

Never ignore someone who loves and cares for you. One day you may realize you've lost the moon while counting the stars.

Buhahahahahaha. And then I know someone who wants the whole sky eh? from the moon to the stars and now back to the moon?

If you're important to them, they will always find a way to make time for you. No excuses, no lies & no broken promises

Some men have a classy, strong, loyal & trustworthy woman by their side. If he isn't grateful to have someone like that, he's just dumb.

Might sound like blowing my own trumpet, but you really are dumb.

Don't act like someone you're not, you won't get far in life, so stop pretending.

from yesterday's conversation. Because you have told me more than once that the way we are, we are never gonna like each other. If thats the case, why are you now trying I ask. And you say because you suddenly realize this is what you want in life and you are ready to change? really change? like pretend to be someone else? pretend to like and behave in ways that are not you? For how long?

STOP saying your going to do something , JUST do it.

Again from yesterday's conversation. As I was telling you, why do you keep telling me everyday that this relationship has suddenly started meaning a lot for you and hence you are going to "try and make this work" Last 10 days you are telling me you are going to try. so when are you scheduled to start then? Why just tell me? The fact that I am still talking to you not indicator enough that I have given you a second chance and am still waiting around for you to start trying? Stop telling me, Just.....

Just because I don't react, doesn't mean I don't notice.

For all the big and small lies and excuses you made that I let go and that finally made you thing you can cheat on me and I wouldn't notice that  too.

When it comes to relationships, remaining faithful is never an option but a priority. Loyalty Is Everything 

And you just lost everything. In fact, I lost everything because of you.

Life is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs. But it's your choice to scream or enjoy the ride.

And, it is your choice to wallow in the downs so much that you completely miss the Ups.

And the final one for now is for me:

Don't let the assholes make u forget the value of yourself, that you're special & deserve to be treated with respect too.

Messages for the Day...

At 1100 Hrs
So my quote of the day said this:

IF YOU ARE GOING THOUGH HELL, KEEP GOING.

Thanks darling, that is exactly what I needed to hear. When all "apney" log abandon or can't be approached, trust a bunch of strangers on the e-world to say just the right things.
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Another one follows this within a few seconds and goes like this:

A man's idea of honesty in a relationship is telling you his real name.

Well, Ha Ha Ha! Thanks for letting me know thats the general opinion and experience out there.

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1330 Hrs:

Ok updating the post with more messages as the day goes:

If it doesn't break your heart it's not love.

And that explains why only my heart was broken in the whole episode, while you were able to tell me that "We really need to think about making emotional and hasty decision". Hmmm, so making or breaking a marriage, involving a one year old child, has no emotions involved, is it? Right!

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Updated - 1500 hours

Another tweet:

One of the worst feelings in life is holding onto something you know you need to let go of..

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And then at 1700 hours came this one:

Sometimes you forgive people simply because you still want them in your life.

About time I start believing in signs and celestial messages (that seem to come through twitter)? Not sure. because still along way to go before this last one can be ever be come to terms with.

Your Takehome...(part 1)

Despite everything that happened, despite how badly and worthlessly I was treated, despite how you walked all over me and then decided to turn it around and list out my faults to prove how I lead you to do what you did, the one thing I kept at and you kept at this time for a change, was to keep talking to each other. Not sure why either of us did, not sure why either of us (ideally me, but considering the all-wrong-approach throughout this fight, more chances of it being you) didn't decide they don't want to have anything to do with the other person, but as I always always say, if anything can save a doomed relationship of any kind, it is communication.

That, and a few other things that I hope this episode, and more importantly, the following few days of discussing this episode (and hopefully the last four years) may have taught you and may help you in your life ahead, wherever you are and whoever you are with:

Your First: Life is a struggle. If you are never struggling, please stop to check if you are living:

Your father said the following to me. "Because I had struggled a lot in my youth and never really enjoyed my childhood and growing up days, my main intention while bringing up my children was that they should never experience the pain I had and they should have everything they want, that I never could have. To ensure this, when he asked me Rs 10 I would give him Rs 20. but, though my intentions were noble I never realised that in the process i was bringing up my children to believe that life is always easy and you never have to struggle. That the moment they faced struggle, they would decide they are doing something wrong, and run".

And how apt is that. First, the jobs. Up till the point you were doing your PG and life was all fun and frolic, everything was fine. The moment you started working, the moment life started throwing your first tough challenges your way, the moment you had to work at something and struggle at something and face failures, you decided that it was because you were in the wrong job. you jumped jobs, you jumped countries, and through it all I hopped around with you. However, since jobs are not supposed to be college, nothing suited you. You were unhappy everywhere. Why? Because you had decided that since you are having to struggle so hard at something it was the wrong profession altogether.

And then you did the same in our relationship. Because a marriage between two individuals involves a lot of adjustments and compromises. And any relationship among two individuals involves a lot of effort and work to succeed. You are really lucky you have always got friends who are the ones who call no matter you never do. You are lucky you have friends who stand by you how ever little you might have put any effort in the friendship, and plus a father who gave and gave wanting nothing in return, you decided thats how "good" relationship works. And when you realised that this marriage wouldn't work unless you struggle a little, make adjustments and change a bit, compromise a little from your end as well, you again decided that like your job, this is a failed exercise altogether.

I hope at least now you have understood that after your college life everything you do, wherever you go, you are going to have to struggle to make it work. You will not always have your father hold your hands and pave uninterrupted roads for you in anticipation, for you to just saunter by on. I hope you realise that the day you are happy with life because you are not working at it and it is being handed to you on a platter, there is something really wrong with your life and this world of yours will come crashing down on your head sooner than you think. No struggle => No life.

Also, I hope one day you realise that everything you get in life without struggle, you never value and appreciate anyways. To really value what you have and enjoy its worth, you must have to struggle for this.

I am sure you shall never read this. If you have realised this in this experience, good for you. either ways, I hope I can inculcate some of these thoughts and values in our son one day, at least.

(Since this is turning out to be too long, I think I shall continue with the remaining take homes, I hope you have realised, in subsequent posts. Nope, I am not being pretentious enough to think I shall teach you the lessons in life. Just wan)t to put down my thoughts regarding what I believe actually went wrong. Because, our conversations so far was all about you justifying (and me silently letting you, because this was the first time you even spoke so openly to me for so long) how it was really my behaviour that was the reason why you did what you did.)