Your Takehome...(part 1)

Despite everything that happened, despite how badly and worthlessly I was treated, despite how you walked all over me and then decided to turn it around and list out my faults to prove how I lead you to do what you did, the one thing I kept at and you kept at this time for a change, was to keep talking to each other. Not sure why either of us did, not sure why either of us (ideally me, but considering the all-wrong-approach throughout this fight, more chances of it being you) didn't decide they don't want to have anything to do with the other person, but as I always always say, if anything can save a doomed relationship of any kind, it is communication.

That, and a few other things that I hope this episode, and more importantly, the following few days of discussing this episode (and hopefully the last four years) may have taught you and may help you in your life ahead, wherever you are and whoever you are with:

Your First: Life is a struggle. If you are never struggling, please stop to check if you are living:

Your father said the following to me. "Because I had struggled a lot in my youth and never really enjoyed my childhood and growing up days, my main intention while bringing up my children was that they should never experience the pain I had and they should have everything they want, that I never could have. To ensure this, when he asked me Rs 10 I would give him Rs 20. but, though my intentions were noble I never realised that in the process i was bringing up my children to believe that life is always easy and you never have to struggle. That the moment they faced struggle, they would decide they are doing something wrong, and run".

And how apt is that. First, the jobs. Up till the point you were doing your PG and life was all fun and frolic, everything was fine. The moment you started working, the moment life started throwing your first tough challenges your way, the moment you had to work at something and struggle at something and face failures, you decided that it was because you were in the wrong job. you jumped jobs, you jumped countries, and through it all I hopped around with you. However, since jobs are not supposed to be college, nothing suited you. You were unhappy everywhere. Why? Because you had decided that since you are having to struggle so hard at something it was the wrong profession altogether.

And then you did the same in our relationship. Because a marriage between two individuals involves a lot of adjustments and compromises. And any relationship among two individuals involves a lot of effort and work to succeed. You are really lucky you have always got friends who are the ones who call no matter you never do. You are lucky you have friends who stand by you how ever little you might have put any effort in the friendship, and plus a father who gave and gave wanting nothing in return, you decided thats how "good" relationship works. And when you realised that this marriage wouldn't work unless you struggle a little, make adjustments and change a bit, compromise a little from your end as well, you again decided that like your job, this is a failed exercise altogether.

I hope at least now you have understood that after your college life everything you do, wherever you go, you are going to have to struggle to make it work. You will not always have your father hold your hands and pave uninterrupted roads for you in anticipation, for you to just saunter by on. I hope you realise that the day you are happy with life because you are not working at it and it is being handed to you on a platter, there is something really wrong with your life and this world of yours will come crashing down on your head sooner than you think. No struggle => No life.

Also, I hope one day you realise that everything you get in life without struggle, you never value and appreciate anyways. To really value what you have and enjoy its worth, you must have to struggle for this.

I am sure you shall never read this. If you have realised this in this experience, good for you. either ways, I hope I can inculcate some of these thoughts and values in our son one day, at least.

(Since this is turning out to be too long, I think I shall continue with the remaining take homes, I hope you have realised, in subsequent posts. Nope, I am not being pretentious enough to think I shall teach you the lessons in life. Just wan)t to put down my thoughts regarding what I believe actually went wrong. Because, our conversations so far was all about you justifying (and me silently letting you, because this was the first time you even spoke so openly to me for so long) how it was really my behaviour that was the reason why you did what you did.)