So I was humming away a lovely song, playing with Sid, and trying to forget all the other horrible aspects of my life, when this thought suddenly struck me, blew my breath away and made me totally immobile for a really really long time.
Once I regained my senses (partially, as I am still partially numbed by the thought), I tried to analyse and look at it every which way to find a different explanations, because if what I just thought was true, then what you did just sank a hell of a lot lower than things already were.
Hmmm...so however hard I was trying to push all the other thoughts away, from somewhere this bright flash of light emerged inside my very messed up head right now and forged this idea regarding the time frame when you decided do all that you did. There definitely can't be a right time to do what you did, but you seriously could not have figured out a more wrong time, could you?
Not only had I put my whole life, career, social life, sleep, health everything on hold, living as a single working mom running a house, a job and taking care of a baby that doesn't sleep at night, so you can go study to further YOUR career, but to top it, the exact time that I had joined the new job, moved here and was venturing into this really scary new role, when I needed your support and encouragement the most, was exactly when you had been having your share of fun with someone else.
Instead of thinking how I am going to manage and how Sid is going to hold on and be taken care of through this period, all your thoughts and feelings were focused on someone else.
When all your family, my family, our friends, everyone was watching my every move with really anxious eyes, you couldn't be bothered to spare a thought cos you had better things to occupy your mind?
Sorry, though I didn't think this was possible the whole of last week, my hate and disrespect for you has just taken a new high. Too disgusted at you and myself to be able to write anything more on this.
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